Ugh.

So I'm in my bad time of the month. I don't know if it hasn't been as bad because I know what was coming so I could sorta control it?

I'm so anxious right now. I'm also tired, moody, I have a headache, and I can't sleep at night.

I've noticed I've been very mean to my husband but the yelling at him and the kids was very minimal this week.  I know I'm hurting his feelings but they just come out of my mouth :(  Too much going on around me makes me have heart palpitations and mommy has to take a timeout.

Today is day 29 of my cycle... Please period come today!!! I thought you were going to show up yesterday :(

Day 18

Today is day 18 of my cycle.  I was more tired than normal this morning, but that could be because I had a late night on Saturday and I was on my feet ALL DAY yesterday.  I went to bed at my normal time but my body wants a little more rest. 

Am I going to give it rest today? No. I'm about to go run my 2 miles, then pick up the kids, then go to the park, then come home and make dinner.  Tonight I will take a tylenol PM and go to bed early.

I keep thinking that in about a week my life will be hell.  I also keep thinking that I now know and understand PMDD now so maybe I can control it a little better? Probably not but I'm going to try.  I found two great blog posts for men to read about PMDD (here and here).  The first time I read these two blog posts I cried (okay- bawled). This is exactly what I need and what is happening to me.  I hope the hubby can really absorb the information and understand it's my PMDD talking and not his wife.  I want him to know I really do love him and our children but during that week I may say otherwise.

I'm also a little nervous looking at my calendar and noticing when my *week* will be. We are very busy that week...... hopefully I'll start my period before the crazy weekend begins.

More symptoms

I've been thinking a lot about PMDD today and what my symptoms were so I could remember for next time. Add 'em to the list!

- Intolerance to noise
- Clumsiness

For some reason a lot of noise makes me go CRAZY!!!!!!!! The kids yelling, the husband talking/singing, the TV or the radio is on, the dogs are barking...  Oh please make it stop! When I told my husband this could be one of the symptoms (which it is mine, may not be yours) he just nodded because he knows it's the truth.

As for the clumsiness, I noticed when I played softball last week I couldn't field the ball and my hitting was off.  Also, when I'm at home I hit my arm, leg, hip on the counter, wall or door A LOT.  I also dropped like 4 things out of the fridge! 

Another symptom I have (but not sure if it's directly correlated to PMDD yet..) is that I have no appetite.  I don't want to eat because I'm pissed at something, I'm tired, I don't feel good...

About me

I'm a normal person.

I'm in my twenties.
I'm married.
I have two {beautiful} children
I love to play softball.
I like to bowl.
I volunteer at my children's school {probably a little too much!}

See? I am normal..... most of the time.

There is just a week every month that I'm not normal.  In that week I'm still a mother but a very poor one. I still play softball but I am very tired and feel weak.  I still volunteer but I don't talk unless I have to.

I'm in very good spirits right now because I started my period  on Tuesday (TMI? oh whatever).  When I start my period I get back to myself instantly. Like really. In one snap of a finger I'm *me* again. It's actually a very weird feeling.  I go to bed one night very early because I am so upset/tired and wake up feeling refreshed.  I love those mornings.

But in about 3 weeks I'll be sharing a room with the ugly stepsister. No even worse, I'll turn into her. I don't even know what to call myself. It's not Keri I'll tell you that.  Maybe I can make up a name for the other person I become. 

When it's my turn for the week of hell these are the emotions I'm feeling:

- I'm sad. {No suicidal thoughts though... thank the Lord}
- I cry for no reason whatsoever. Multiple times.
- I feel like life is pointless {but I know it isn't}
- I have panic attacks.
- I have heart palpitations {which is very scary to me!}
- I wake up every night and it takes about an hour to fall back asleep.
- I have very bad anger.  {shivering just thinking about it}
- I'm extremely irritable.
- I have mega mood swings. {holy moly!!!}
- I have headaches which only make me into a bigger meanie head.
- I am SO TIRED!!  {Like 7pm bed-time tired}
- I have many verbal outbursts.  {I get mad over the silliest things but at the time they are very important}

I don't know if I have anything else. I'll make sure I keep a log next time. Oh wait- that's what this blog is for! I want to track my behavior and feelings.

What is PMDD?

We've all heard of PMS but PMDD is the ugly stepsister very few people know of. I thought I would start a blog about my story and struggle with PMDD.

What is PMDD exactly? PMDD disorder (Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder) is an extreme form of PMS affecting around 8% of women during their menstrual cycle.

Women with PMDD complain of irritability, anger, tension, marked depressed mood, and mood lability (crying spells for no reason, verbal outbursts, or tantrums ) to such a severity that quality of life is seriously compromised. In addition to these symptoms, some women complain of lethargy, sleep disturbance, limited concentration and a host of physical symptoms such as breast tenderness, headaches, joint and muscle pain, bloating and weight gain.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to, the following:

deep sadness or despair
possible suicidal thoughts
extreme tension or anxiety panic attacks
diarrhea
sudden and extreme mood swings
long lasting anger and irritability
apathy & disinterest in daily life
yeast infections
problems with concentration
fatigue
food cravings or binge eating
extreme sleep problems and insomnia
feeling "out of control"
changes in sex drive
need for emotional closeness

Other physical symptoms may include: bloating, heart palpitations, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face.